


stay with me

by izazov



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Force Ghost(s), M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28202382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izazov/pseuds/izazov
Summary: After giving up his life to save his son, Anakin had expected to become one with the Force. Not to find himself faced with an unexpected choice.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 8
Kudos: 482





	stay with me

"Involve yourself, you should not. Your place, it is not."

Obi-Wan halted his steps, closing his eyes. In another time - another  _ life _ \- he would have heeded those words.

In another time, he had. The words were different, certainly, but the message was the same as it had been that wretched day: abandon Anakin. 

"I cannot obey you this time, Master," Obi-Wan whispered. He opened his eyes, meeting Yoda's gaze unflinchingly. "I have turned my back on Anakin once and I have regretted it ever since. I will not do so again."

Yoda's expression didn't change. But Obi-Wan could feel disapproval and resignation radiating off of him all the same.

"Stop you, I cannot," Yoda said, his ears drooping.

Obi-Wan felt the corner of his mouth curve faintly. It did not feel like a happy smile. "No," he said, quiet but firm. "You cannot."

******

In the end, letting go was surprisingly easy.

Anakin supposed it was more due to Luke's comforting presence and the pure, selfless, uncomplicated love pouring off of him - love for  _ him _ , despite everything Anakin has done, to the galaxy at large and to Luke himself - than any conscious decision of his own.

Letting go… has never been something Anakin was good at. Letting go of his fears, of the anger that seemed an intricate part of himself, of love. Especially  _ love _ . For his mother. For Padmé. Ashoka. Obi-Wan.

Love that has never been selfless, never free of fear of loss. Never free of doubt and jealousy. More like a durasteel chain, than a tender embrace. 

Love that he had - despite grasping at it with everything he got - he could not keep. Could only destroy. 

After… after Mustafar and his rebirth in fire, he no longer knew fear nor love. Just hate, and rage, and the almost suffocating loneliness that gnawed at his very core, steadily turning him into an empty husk.

Perhaps that was why he had clung to Palpatine, long past he had seen the truth of him: a black hole of malice and insidious intent. Hungry only for more power.

And now, he was no longer alone. Even if his life was rapidly coming to an end, Anakin was finally,  _ finally _ feeling the warmth of love seeping into the parts of him he has long thought dead.

With one last look at his son's face, Anakin felt his mouth curve into a real smile. He'd forgotten what it meant to smile when the mask covered his face for the first time. He'd forgotten many things. Things he would never recover now.

But he had recovered his son. And a part of himself that he had lost years ago. 

Still smiling, Anakin closed his eyes and let go.

******

Anakin opened his eyes to a familiar sight of Obi-Wan's anguished face. To the gravel slipping through his metal fingers as he futilely attempted to drag himself away from the blistering heat behind himself. To betrayal, rage, hate and fear blazing through his veins.

He knew what was coming next. Flames and pain beyond any he had experienced before.

It was wrong. All of this was wrong. Anakin was sure of it. He had been here already. Had lived this already. Had burned and cried and wailed, only to be reborn anew. 

He was dead. He knew it. He had felt life slip out of his grip. He had allowed it to slip out of his grasp. Welcomed it even. He was not supposed to feel anything anymore. He was finally supposed to rest. Not to find himself back here, watching helplessly as one of the most important people in his life turned his back on him, leaving him to burn alive.

A surge of rage and blinding hate filled Anakin's chest like a tidal wave, merciless in its destruction.

Anakin opened his mouth, hateful, poisonous words clawing at his throat, only to find himself rendered silent when the scene - well known, so many times recalled, both in dreams and reality - before him inexplicably changed.

Obi-Wan moved. But not to turn his back on Anakin. Not to walk away. Instead, Obi-Wan half slid, half stumbled forward, falling on his knees in front of Anakin's prone body, the anguish, resignation and despair wiped clean off his face. Replaced with urgency and… something else. Something resembling the emotion he'd seen on Luke's face moments ago. But not as pure or uncomplicated. 

Even when they had been at their best, the bond between them… the  _ love _ between them - and it had been love, Anakin knew it, had heard the confession of it from Obi-Wan's lips when it no longer mattered, when he no longer cared for it - was tainted by lies and secrets, made bitter and impossible by their pledges to the Jedi Order. 

Well. Their interpretations of those pledges. 

"Take my hand, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, his words both a command and a plea. "Let me help you."

Anakin stared at Obi-Wan's outstretched hand, feeling torn between two conflicting impulses. He wanted to reach out and grasp Obi-Wan's trembling fingers. He also wanted to dig his metal fingers into Obi-Wan's hand, until nothing but mangled mess of bones and torn flesh remained.

Anakin had loved Obi-Wan. But he had hated him longer. Even if that hate has always been rooted in love. Love that was warped and twisted, blackened and burned as Anakin's body and soul.

"Please, Anakin," Obi-Wan whispered, a sharp note of despair entering his voice. " _ Please,  _ don't make me go through this a second time."

Luke's face flashed before Anakin's mind's eye. Face full of love and acceptance. Of  _ hope _ . 

Mirrored now - despite being shadowed by grief and guilt - in Obi-Wan's gaze.

As flames began licking at his flesh, Anakin caught Obi-Wan's hand.

And the world around him turned to white, blinding light.

******

Anakin took a gasping breath, staring in dull confusion at his hands. His flesh hands.

He was no longer reduced to a mangled slab of charred flesh, kept alive by technology and the burning inferno of his rage and hate. 

He was whole. And he was no longer on Mustafar.

No.  _ They _ were no longer on Mustafar. Obi-Wan was here with him. He could feel his presence more acutely than ever. Steady, calm, bright, reassuring.

Exactly as he had felt a long, long time ago.

Anakin swallowed thickly, forcing his gaze away from his hands. He needed to ascertain exactly where  _ here _ was. And ignore the familiar longing that was starting to bloom inside his chest. 

They appeared to be in a large, empty room. It was well lit, despite the lack of windows, with two massive doors on opposite sides of the room.

Anakin inhaled deeply, a part of him almost giddy with how good it felt to be able to breathe on his own. 

A larger part of him was more preoccupied with the fact that he shouldn't be breathing at all.

He was dead. That much Anakin knew was true. But he was still himself. He still felt. He still remembered. He still  _ wanted. _

"Where are we?" Anakin rasped, the sound of his voice foreign to his own ears. It was just one of the things he had forgotten over the years.

Obi-Wan's mouth curved faintly. "You already know the answer, Anakin."

Anakin's eyes narrowed. "I am not in the mood for your condescension, Obi-Wan. I have not cared for it when I was your Padawan. I certainly don't care for it now." 

"I know how intelligent you are, Anakin," Obi-Wan responded mildly. "But I also know how contrary you can be when you set your mind to it." Pausing, Obi-Wan spread his hands, his eyes gleaming with wry amusement. "You could consider this a sort of a gateway between the physical realm and the Force."

Which was more or less what Anakin was thinking as well. Anakin refused to consider the implications of that realization. Or let it show on his face. Instead he focused on something else. Something that felt jarring and discordant. 

Anakin frowned, gesturing at Obi-Wan. "Why do you look like  _ that _ now?"

Like he had the last time Anakin had seen him. When Anakin had… struck him down. Old and weary, aged before his time by Tatooine's unforgiving climate.

What has happened prior to Obi-Wan's self-imposed exile probably didn't help either.

Obi-Wan shrugged, unperturbed. "Because this is who I am." Obi-Wan tilted his head, his gaze catching Anakin's. "Does my appearance bother you?"

It shouldn't. But it did. Every time Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, he could see a flash of a blade as it cut through Obi-Wan. Leaving only an old cloak and a lightsaber behind. Anakin could still feel the bitterness gather in the back of his throat. Could feel the terrible, wretched ache clawing at the already mangled pieces of his heart. 

Even his victory over Obi-Wan had been tainted by the memory of that parting smile and Obi-Wan's ominous words. And his own inability to finally let go of Obi-Wan even after his death. He hadn't been aware of it before - hadn't wanted to acknowledge it - but every time he had faced Luke, he had sought traces of Obi-Wan's words and teachings in the boy. For what exact purpose, Anakin couldn't tell. Even now, when rage and hate were no longer blinding him, Anakin could not be certain why it had been Obi-Wan he had kept seeking in Luke, and not Padmé.

Not that Anakin felt inclined to share any of those uncomfortable truths with Obi-Wan.

"Why am I here?" Anakin asked instead.

Obi-Wan's mouth quirked into a knowing smile, but he had, surprisingly, ignored the opening Anakin had given him. It wasn't something Obi-Wan had done often. For all his outward placidity, Obi-Wan possessed a ruthless streak. He didn't show it often, but that didn't make it any less dangerous. Underestimating Obi-Wan was a disastrous mistake. Anakin knew it better than most.

"Because you took my hand," Obi-Wan answered, his eyes glittering with mirth. 

Anakin looked away for a moment, fighting against the surge of memories that threatened to overwhelm him. Memories of shared laughter and fingers carding through Anakin's hair. Of warmth and comfort found in sharing bunks during the war. Of the presence in Anakin's mind, steady and soothing. 

Were those happy memories? Anakin could not tell any longer. Happiness seemed like a foreign concept. A tale for those foolish enough to believe there was something more to life than pain, misery and loneliness.

No. That was a lie. Happiness existed. Anakin had felt it recently. Moments before he had died, looking at the face of his son, the red lenses no longer marring his view of the world.

"And why did you offer me your hand?" The words fell from Anakin's lips almost without his conscious decision. Edged with a myriad of emotions, each one tangled with the other, each one tearing at his heart; a heart that shouldn't beat any longer. Shouldn't hurt any longer.

_ Why now? Why not  _ then _? _

Anakin -  _ Vader  _ \- had spent years thinking of the moment when Obi-Wan had turned around and walked away, leaving Anakin to die a horrible, agonizing death as flames burned through skin and flesh. As hate burned through every fiber of Anakin's being, consuming every last bit of the light that was still shining inside him.

There had been one moment, Anakin could admit it to himself now, just a barest fraction of a second when Anakin had considered pleading with Obi-Wan to help him. To  _ save  _ him. 

What would Obi-Wan have done? Would he have turned around? Or would he have remained deaf to Anakin's plea?

Anakin… wasn't certain he wanted to know the answer. 

"Because I wanted to see you again, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, voice so soft it bordered on tender. "I have missed you, old friend."

Longing and anger coiled around Anakin's chest, squeezing tightly, making Anakin gasp for breath he didn't even need.

He snapped his gaze back toward Obi-Wan, balling his hands into fists.

"I have led the attack on the Jedi Temple. I have killed and tortured Jedi. I have killed you," Anakin said, voice barely over a whisper, moving forward until there was barely a breath of space between them. "I am responsible for countless deaths. For the pain and suffering of those you would seem innocent."

Obi-Wan followed Anakin's progress with calm composure, his eyes - the only familiar thing on his face - holding Anakin's gaze unwaveringly.

"You maimed me and left me to burn alive. You took my children and kept them hidden from me for years," Anakin continued, venom dripping from his voice. Dead or no, Vader or Anakin, there was anger inside him still. Maybe there will always be a kindling of anger inside him. "And yet you claim to have missed me. You've always been a good liar, Obi-Wan. But there was always some purpose to your lies. Some higher meaning."

A faint smile passed across Obi-Wan's face. It was by no means a happy smile. Anakin almost took a step back at the weight of sorrow that saturated the air around Obi-Wan. But he found himself unable to move, locked in place by Obi-Wan's steady gaze.

"Everything you said is true, but hardly the whole truth, Anakin."

Anakin gritted his teeth, something sharp and aching uncoiling in the hollow of his chest. "And what is the whole truth, Obi-Wan?"

_ Did it even matter now? _

"You broke your right hand when you were twelve because you wanted to gift me with a rare plant that grew only in the mountains of Eo. You won an illegal podrace and used the majority of the reward on an exotic blend of tea that I didn't particularly enjoy."

Anakin blinked, swallowing against the burn in his throat. He'd forgotten about that. But he remembered it now; the excitement and the thrill of planning, the pride and joy after managing to coax a tentative but real smile from his Master. 

Obi-Wan had been the center of Anakin's world then, the most important person in Anakin's life. His mother had been far away and Padmé only an impossible dream, but Obi-Wan had been real and present, and  _ everything. _

A soft brush of fingers against his cheek brought Anakin back to the present, his dead heart pounding wildly against his sternum.

"You have been my pride and joy, Anakin. The most important part of my life," Obi-Wan said, tracing the line of Anakin's jaw with his thumb. Anakin couldn't help himself, he leaned into the touch, chasing the warmth of Obi-Wan's fingers. "I have loved you then and I love you still."

Anakin froze entirely, the sound of Obi-Wan's anguished cry from all those years ago echoing loudly inside his mind.

_ You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you. _

The admission Anakin has craved for years, delivered far too late. And in past tense. The final goodbye as Anakin screamed his hate, rage and pain.

Padmé had been the love of Anakin's life, but there had always been a piece of Anakin's heart that belonged only to Obi-Wan. An impossible, foolish, blind love, never pursued.

Well. There had been that one time. An impulsive kiss, born out of desperation and relief in equal parts. An assurance of life, with Obi-Wan's blood still lingering on Anakin's trembling fingers. 

A clumsy, messy kiss Obi-Wan had not returned. Or even mentioned out loud. And Anakin, mortified and ashamed and already married to Padmé, had been more than happy to let that kiss fade into the shadows, buried under the passage of time. Unmentioned, but never truly forgotten.

And now, in this impossible place, with Obi-Wan's words still lingering in the air between them, Anakin wanted to know the truth.  _ Needed _ to know it. 

But first.

"Can you change your appearance?"

Obi-Wan frowned, pulling his hand away. "Yes, I can," Obi-Wan said, studying Anakin carefully. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes," Anakin forced through the tight clench of his throat, his breath hitching in his lungs. There was no small amount of irony in the fact that Anakin could almost believe he was still alive. He certainly felt more alive now than he ever did in that accursed suit.

Obi-Wan remained silent. Still. Regarded Anakin with inscrutable eyes. Anakin could all but taste his own desperate longing, simmering in the space between them.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin heard himself whisper, low and heated. Not quite a plea, but far from being a demand.

Obi-Wan sighed, his eyes fluttering closed. Anakin watched with rapt fascination as Obi-Wan's face morphed, the years melting away from his features, his skin smoothing as grey hair turned red.

And just like that, in between two heartbeats, Obi-Wan was back.  _ Anakin's _ Obi-Wan was back. No longer the weathered and beaten down stranger that had allowed himself to be cut down by Vader's hand.

"Is this more to your liking?" Obi-Wan asked, arching an eyebrow.

Anakin wanted to laugh and curse. Hit Obi-Wan and hug him. Wanted to beg forgiveness and demand apologies.

But he settled on, "Yes, Master."

Obi-Wan's mouth twitched, forming a rueful half-smile. "I haven't been your Master for many years, Anakin. And many reasons. One of which was your own choice."

Anakin could feel the curl of shame low in his gut. It was followed quickly by something he has not experienced in quite a long while: stubborn defiance.

"Then why have you come for me today? You could have left me to return to the Force. I was ready to become one with the Force."

Obi-Wan inclined his head toward the doors behind Anakin. "You can still become one with the Force. All you need to do is step through those doors."

Anakin frowned. He glanced over his shoulder, then back at Obi-Wan. "Just like that?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "There is no trap here. No test. Only a choice.  _ Your _ choice, Anakin."

"And what exactly am I choosing between?"

"Joining the Force or staying behind, fully aware of yourself," Obi-Wan said, his expression solemn. Obi-Wan paused, his gaze hardening. " _ Unable _ to actively meddle in the affairs of the living."

Anakin gave Obi-Wan a pointed look. "That's what you meant by becoming more powerful than I could possibly imagine? Turning into a passive spectator in the physical realm? Doesn't really sound like much fun."

Obi-Wan remained unfazed, a small smile curving on the edges of his mouth. Half pity and half sympathy. It made Anakin clench his teeth.

"That entirely depends on your point of view," Obi-Wan remarked mildly, stepping past Anakin. "And how much value you contribute to the continued ability to communicate with your son."

Anakin closed his eyes, his chest constricting with the dread and yearning alike. He had missed the chance to be a father. By his actions in large part. But not only his. Obi-Wan certainly had something to do with it. 

And now he had a second chance. A chance to remain a part of his son's life. A chance to meet his daughter. A chance to have a family.

A chance to leave Vader behind once and for all.

"And what about you?" Anakin asked over his shoulder. "Are you staying?"

Obi-Wan remained silent, his thoughts and emotions contained behind thick shields.

Anakin turned around, trying but failing to ignore the stutter of his heartbeat when his gaze landed on Obi-Wan, standing in front of the doors leading towards rejoining the Force.

Anakin had to force himself to remain still and not stride over to Obi-Wan and drag him away from those doors. Force him to stay.

"I have no reason to remain here anymore, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, sounding bone-deep weary. "My work here is done.  _ I  _ am done."

"What about me?" Anakin forced through clenched teeth, his heart throbbing unevenly against his sternum. "Are you just going to leave me? After everything?"

"You don't need me anymore, Anakin," Obi-Wan stated, quiet but firm. "You haven't needed me in a long time."

Anakin made two steps forward before he managed to stop himself. "I do need you. I have always needed you. I- I  _ love _ you, you selfish bastard."

Obi-Wan's eyes went wide, only to narrow in the next moment. "I am selfish?" Obi-Wan said, low and dangerous, taking a step toward Anakin. " _ You  _ have set the galaxy on fire for your thrice-damned selfish interests, and you dare to call me selfish."

Anakin inhaled sharply, his entire being vibrating with the combined force of anger and bone-chilling dread. "You shouldn't have dragged me here if you've always meant to leave me again."

Obi-Wan let out a sharp breath. "I didn't drag you anywhere. I offered you a choice, Anakin. Nothing more and nothing less."

Anakin couldn't tell when he had made the decision to move. Or to grab Obi-Wan, squeezing tightly. Only that he had.

"And what if my choice involves you?" Anakin rasped, uncaring of the warning contained in the tight clench of Obi-Wan's jaw and the tense line of his shoulders. "You say you love me. Then prove it. Stay this time. Stay with  _ me _ ."

Obi-Wan remained silent one long moment. Then, he let out a long breath, his shoulders drooping faintly. "You haven't even forgiven me for what happened on Mustafar. Not truly." When Anakin opened his mouth to protest, Obi-Wan silenced him with two fingers against his lips. "Don't try to deny it. We both know I am speaking the truth."

Anakin pressed a brief kiss against Obi-Wan's fingers, his heart hitching in his chest at the flicker of desire ghosting across Obi-Wan's face a second before Obi-Wan pulled his fingers away.

"Then give me a chance to fix what I've broken between us. Give _us_ a chance to do better this time," Anakin pleaded, pressing his forehead against Obi-Wan's, and nuzzling closer. "Stay. Don't leave me alone, Obi-Wan."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed, but made no move to pull away.

Anakin cradled Obi-Wan's face between his hands, feeling almost drunk on the hope surging through his veins.

"Tell me you will stay," Anakin half- pleaded and half-demanded, brushing a kiss across Obi-Wan's cheek. "Please, Obi-Wan. I cannot do this without you."

_ I don't want to do this without you. _

A moment passed. Then another. And another. Until, finally, Obi-Wan moved, tentatively wrapping his arms around Anakin's shoulders.

"I will stay," Obi-Wan said. "As long as you need me."

Anakin smiled, kissing the corner of Obi-Wan's mouth. "Forever then."


End file.
